I remember.

Has it really been ten years? I sat at work and heard Loretta say, as she hung up the phone, "That was Doug. He said a plane just hit the World Trade Center." To be honest my first thought was, "What is the World Trade Center?" Of course I had heard of it before, and of course I knew the New York skyline included two tall buildings, but I had never really sorted it out in my head as to what they were and what their names were. People know my parents live in Nebraska, but often when they ask how they are doing they say things like, "Are your parents still out there in....what is it, Montana? Kansas?" I always just reply with, Nebraksa. This is usually followed with, "Oh yeah, I knew it was one of those states out west of us." My knowledge of specific buildings in the NY financial district was just as fuzzy.

The tone in Loretta's voice, rather than my ability to conjure up the WTC, was my clue to something being wrong. In many ways it was work as usual that day. We didn't have access to a television. This was long before facebook and smartphones. We had the radio on and that was how most of the news of the day filtered in. There were a few images online, but 10 years ago the internet still wasn't nearly as developed as it is now with regards to how quickly news makes it online. One customer, a librarian, in New York City placed an order via email. His email said he could see the smoke from the downed towers and thought it was absurd to be ordering books at a time like this, but really didn't know what he would do if he went home. I remember faxes and emails from vendors and customers all over the world. Some weren't even attached to orders. Just notes of sympathy and concern.

Without the benefit of television images, at first I had no grasp of the hugeness of the situation. I very clearly remember wondering if this would interrupt Big Brother on TV that night and hoping it didn't because it was getting towards the end.

There were only two points that day I felt nervous. When the 4th plane went down it was the first time I wondered how wide spread this was. Could there be civilians waiting in houses all over the country ready to begin an attack on the ground? When they decided the best hiding spot for President Bush to be 20 stories underground in my parent's back yard (Offutt Air Force Base) I felt nervous. Otherwise I just felt like my brain was having a hard time processing so much tragedy all at once.

I remember the eerie silence in the sky. How strange it was to hear a plane and realize it was military since all other flights were grounded. I remember going to Bob Evans with Brooke, Meagan, and Danielle. Thankful to have Meagan and Danielle's chatter in the background while Brooke and I tried to make sense of the day. I remember Jenny saying over and over, "I can't believe there are no survivors", as the news reporters had no tales of rescue to broadcast. I remember realizing that unlike other disasters this would be different due to cell phones. People stuck in their cabin on the Titanic couldn't call their family for one last goodbye. Those trapped in the tower or on Flight 93 had a lot of time and the technology to make calls. We know a lot more of what happened in the final moments of people's lives because of cell phones.

I remember finding an auction on Ebay for a simple postcard of the twin towers. It was launched before the attacks and had no bids up until that morning. It went from an opening bid of somewhere around a dollar, to $50 or $60 by the end of Tuesday night. The seller later updated the auction to say that all profits from the auction would be donated to a 911 charity.

A few days later I remember feeling irritated at all the media's advice to "go out, shop, live your life, take vacations, be normal" otherwise the terrorists will win. I didn't see how blowing my money at the mall made sure the terrorists didn't win. We were sucker punched that day. I do not think it would have been out of line to be advised to evaluate life, decide what is important, and appreciate what we had taken for granted.




I remember how angry this picture made me. The pilot dipped one wing just before hitting the building to maximize the plane's destruction. Straight on the plane would have hit 2 or 3 floors. Tipped it was able to cause damage on many floors. The whole attack was so brutal and senseless. I'm not sure why this act made me angry. Perhaps I wanted to think that there was some doubt in the terrorist's mind as to whether or not he had done the right thing. Imagine your very last act on earth being to make a calculated effort to cause as much death and destruction as possible.

I went to bed that night knowing a line in the sand had been drawn. We could never go back. My generation did not have a JFK, or Pearl Harbor type event to point to. My soon to be born niece or nephew would never know a time when 911 hadn't happened. 10 years later the events of that day are still just as horrifying.